In the Long Run

I was eating a breakfast of a bagel spread with peanut butter when I saw the story on the television news. With concern, and a little surprise, the news anchor announced a recall on ConAgra foods peanut butter, specifically Peter Pan and Great Value brands with serial number 2111. The news report included a map of highlighted states, mostly in the east, which had identified cases of salmonella poisoning believed to be caused by eating the tainted peanut butter. My state was not close to the affected states.

I looked at my bagel suspiciously. I felt my stomach gurgling suspiciously. Was I feeling nauseated? I decided what I was feeling was hunger, and I finished the bagel. Afterward, I nonchalantly sauntered to the cupboard to check the peanut butter jar lid. 2-1-1-1! I couldn’t believe it. Now I was feeling sick.

All that morning, I anxiously awaited the arrival of tell-tell symptoms. I thought my head ached. Did I have a fever? Uh-oh—what was that twinge in my stomach?! I went about my customary work and play, waiting and wondering.

Then I played several excellent games of singles pickleball, soundly defeating my opponent. Impressed, he joked, “Just what did you have for breakfast?!” I laughed and told him the story.

Three days later, I’ve luckily had no adverse reaction. The real victims of the peanut butter poisonings are convalescing or contemplating lawsuits. I, on the other hand, in a fit of indefensible frugality, have brazenly considered dipping into my jar of peanut butter again. What’s more, I have yet another jar with the same serial number in my food storage. I guess I’ll just toss them both. But first I’ll remove the lids so that I can send them in for the $2.89 per jar refund.

Posted by Cyppy at 5:58 PM